btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
