I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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