u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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