i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
As shirtless as possible
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
