I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
