how can u be prego again
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
