I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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