Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
In the future we'll all be gay
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
