When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
