Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize