So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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