I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
