look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
