hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
