watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
