Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
