You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
