why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize