I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
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the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
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Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"