i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
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Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
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Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.