Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!