she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.