I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I just want to make out with him forever
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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