Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
