can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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