She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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