on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
