I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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