I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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