Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Sorry my hands just texted you
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
