You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
