I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
