If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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