had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
