Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
