Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
home. puking in laundry basket.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
