im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
