I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
