you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hippo gnu deer
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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