No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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