did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
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