I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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