I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
