Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
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There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
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I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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