I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
