Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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