i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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