I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
