it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Is Oprah even human
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
