maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize