Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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