It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Come back. Shots need mouths.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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