awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Never underestimate the power of titties
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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