I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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