Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
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Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
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We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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