Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i love accidental penises.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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