You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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