I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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