He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
