Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
