i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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