I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
