no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
