You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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