found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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