did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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