I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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