I didn't shave. On purpose
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize