oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize