lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize