Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
